Thursday, October 18, 2007

Debating For Girls

A girl told me the other night that she finds it very attractive when men fight. Especially if she is already attracted to one of the contenders. And not necessarily only when they’re fighting over her.

This shouldn’t have come to me as a surprise. Throughout the animal kingdom, males fight. And females watch. And the champions get the girls. In winning the fight, the male displays that he is strong. The female wants a strong male, so she watches and enjoys, dare I say, even gets turned on. From an evolutionary perspective it’s because the fact that he’s strong indicates he’s got good genes, and better genes in the parents means better genes in the offspring. But for female animals it is visceral and not based on any intellectual calculation like this.

Here’s a social situation I often find myself in: I’m at a conversation-friendly party or social gathering. On the chair next to mine is another guy, and sitting on the couch across from us are seated an indefinite number of attractive, available girls. The conversation is flowing and enjoyable. Speaking for myself and speculating educatedly for the other guy, we both want (at least one of) the girls to like us. Consequently, we both want to make conversation with the girl, where she participates as well. Well, as the eveng progresses, he expresses an opinion about something. I express to him a contrary opinion and offer a rationale. All of a sudden, I am debating with this guy, and the girls aren’t even participating. Now I enjoy debating, and with an intelligent interlocutor the conversation can become very rich in ideas and fascinating. But I always think to myself that we should either change the topic to something the girls can get in on, or include them even though the atmosphere of the debate is cross-fire.

When this girl told me that she enjoys watching men fight, it led me to thinking: Women enjoy displays of prowess. Perhaps when men debate and the girls are silent, they are watching with attraction – and the accompanying enjoyment. In which case it is not rude or exclusionary, but a complex social interaction that includes the males and the females in different ways each enjoyable in its way to its repective sex.

What do you think?


Jacob Da Jew said...

I think its cock-blocking, just in a different format.

kisarita said...

if i see men debating, all other factors equal i more attracted to the one whose ideas are more in common to mine

i don't like debates, too competitive, though i did win a debating award in college, to me its less about whats true than what looks good.

(so why am i always debating???? i especially debate the guys i date. that's no way to win friends and influence people. maybe because i grew up around some very aggressive males.)

generally if i see guys debating i hang around on the side and stick in my two cents every now and then, which they either address or ignore. usually the latter. Yes, dave, that is rude. at some point i will usually drift away. their loss, cuz what i got to say is usually smart and insightful, though it might not be on the opposing poles they have staked out.
it is very hard for me to debate without acrimony. somehow, somewhere. that's why i don't like it.

kisarita said...

all in all i don't think comparisons from the animal world necessarily explain why humans do what they do, their are all kinds of species, and within our own species there are all kind of cultures with vastly different behaviors

kisarita said...

occasionally i have found myself at the center of a debate with men actually listening. its unusual but it happens.

kisarita said...

ps i don't know anything about animals and i don't really care, in the human world that i know, watching other men fight is more of a male occupation than female.
(example sports and such)

Dave the Philosopher said...

I have determined that I am likely wrong in this in most cases.

Cary said...

Good words.